When getting to know a man, I am used to him making plans and offering to fund them. I am not used to having to pay for his anything; not his movie ticket, toothpaste, nor cup of coffee. And if the napkin it came on was for sale, I wouldn’t want to buy that either.
Blame it on social conditioning, sexism, or any other smarty mac farty-fart word.
But before you bring out your Mary Daly texts, or a copy of Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man for that matter, let me make one thing clear. I am not that one chick who wakes up to the tune of Destiny Child’s “Bills Bills Bills”. I can pay for my own napkin just fine, thank you. So please, put your screw face back in your wallet. All I’m saying is that I am not as interested in a man who expects me to make the initial investment, as much as I am interested in a man who is patient enough for me to offer.
So fast-forward to ‘ole boy who asked me to take him to the movies. For a moment, I felt like that dude at the nightclub; small talking with a woman who just spent a quarter of her paycheck on a too tight dress, in hopes that he T-Pains her with a shot of something strong.
And men, you already know, once you buy her that drink, she is going to nod a few times, say “uh huh, yeah” a few more, and then excuse herself to find her friend that she “lost”.
Most men skip that portion of the evening, and get straight to the point (or as far away from it as possible). But I am not most men. I am a woman who pretends to be a scientist every once in a while.
So, in traditional pseudo-science fashion, I decided to turn this awkward experience into an experiment.
And it started with me asking for two tickets. Simp. Sucker. Whatever you choose to call me. I was that. But only for two hours. Then I was back to my gangster status.
When the movie was over, I expected an extended thank you hug, handshake, or choreographed dance. Instead, I received a smirk and a polite “thank you”. Which is cool. I guess.
And again, I felt like I was that dude who just bought the too tight dress a drink. Frustrated because she done went looking for her “lost” friend without even having the decency to two-step with me for half of a song.
And no, I am not a giver who always expects to get. That wouldn’t make me any better than ole’ boy, now would it? All I’m saying is that I feel more secure as friends-or whatever I’m about to be with someone-in knowing that they do not expect anything from me up front.
Generous giving opens the heart. Forced giving, is well…robbery.
No thank you to that option.
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