Dear Brothas Who Wonder Why They’ve Been Rejected Before the Conversation Really Goes Anywhere:
I had a thought. And it went like this:
“…instead of complaining about men and their lack of interest in refining their pick-up lines, why don’t I take a pro-active stance and offer some assistance?”
Hence the list below, which is a compendium of thoughts that run rampant across the nonsense you all call “hollering”.
Now let me preface this by saying, I have not yet thoroughly investigated this epidemic of horrible hollering. So excuse me if I come off biased. Nonetheless, even if you are of the dignified caliber of man, I suggest you read and pass this on to the brothas who are less fortunate when it comes to minor discourse with women.
1) Hey, young boys (and older men): I am not an “Aye”, “Baby”, “Lil’ Mama” ,”Mami”, nor “Come here”.
2) Hey, guy in the car: A simple “how are you” or nod of acknowledgment will do just fine. No need to honk all types of crazy while I’m trying to enjoy my stroll in the cross walk.
3) Although I don’t fully understand what motivates you to purchase rims that are bigger than my head, and a sound system that’s louder than necessary, what I do know is that you’re extreme craving for attention will not be fed by me. So to answer your question, no you may not get my number so that you can disruptively “swoop” me.
4) Did you just ask me to google you?
5) To the hard of hearing: How is “I’m not interested” an invitation to keep talking?
6) To the novice of articulation: “Whoa, look at the nipples on this one.” Points for speaking your mind. Two and a half eye rolls plus a slap back into slavery for expecting me to be flattered.
7) Hey, guy that I’m walking by and have never spoken to in my life but thinks I’m wifey material: has it ever crossed your mind that I may be criminally insane? or illiterate? or maybe, just not your type?
8 ) To the Ray Ray’s, Man Man’s, and Eddie-Boe’s: I appreciate you creatively modifying your name. However, introducing yourself to a woman for the first time is like taking the SAT, you get points just for spelling (in this case, saying) your first name correct.
Editor’s Note: I’ve had this post on pause for about five months. In the time between, it appears as though men are stepping their game up and leaving the ladder in tact for young boys to climb. Thank you. For the men still curious about their ability to keep a woman engaged in conversation, click here to find out if you’re a hot tamale, or just plain ole’ boring.