why go to college for human sexuality when i can just have sex and take notes?
i am not a skank, a ho, nor a slut. i am not a hoochie, a bitch, a cumbag, or sleeze. i am not a freak, fast, or easy. i am nothing less than a goddess.
my best friend as well as a lady who sounds like warm chocolate, prefer to go through the hassle of befriending the men they desire to slap stomachs with. i respect it. yet i am confused. is one approach to sex more deserving of respect than the other? in what constitution is it written that a woman be worth the amount of times she has not had sex? and if there were some written document that validates such a preposterous proposal, then how long is this culture going to live without demanding a male equivalent?
nevermind answering the latter. it is absurd to judge a woman’s character based on the number of times she chooses to open and close her legs. whether her legs are revolving doors, or bolted down, it ought to be recognized that a woman’s sexuality is just one facet of her intricate construction. how come her morality isn’t scribbled over with the same question marks when she unwillingly stays at home to look after the children while her husband is toiling away at work?
as a young lady, i grew up with my legs pasted shut. mainly because an elder woman-usually a mother, grandmother or auntie- told me to do so. asking “why” tended to result in me icing my cheek. if my lips even thought of formulating a question, my mom would stare me down as if her rent depended on it.
that still didn’t stop me from wondering. a few years later, after having upgraded from chapstick to extra shiny lipgloss, i felt old enough and more mature to reassert myself. “so why do i need to wait three to six months before giving it up?”
the answer lies in the question. maybe if a woman’s role in sex wasn’t so vastly described as “giving it up”, then she would be perceived more as a qualified participant as opposed to a passive donor. when the woman is assumed to be morally equal to the man, her wait time need not be correlated to her overall worth. think about it, when was the last time you left the dmv overjoyed because you had to wait forever just to get your picture taken?
despite the dmv comparison, too often do i hear the following:
“you want a man to respect you. if you have sex too soon, he’ll think you’re a [insert slut, ho, skank, or any other term that signifies less than a goddess].”
and my reply is:
‘well, what if i don’t care what a man thinketh?”
i mean after all, i don’t recall any of my homeboys coming to me in tears because their friends reprimanded them for having lost count of the women they’ve slept with.
it’s 2009 and i am a woman in a country that is slowly becoming aware of the woman’s right to sexually assert herself. i am placing my feet in the wet concrete of a growing discourse on women and sex hoping to leave an indelible print.
for the past year, i’ve been treating my sex life like a college course in human sexuality. i have researched, been popped quizzed, and failed at many a midterms. nonetheless, i continue to read and write as a means to evolve into a more mature sexual being. i’ve read books on love versus lust, polyamory versus monogamy, the tao of sexology, etc. more times than not, i’ve come across books authored by men (suspiciously “ghost-written” by women) about how to find and keep a man. and, more times than not, my head nearly explodes from being filled to the brim with “advice” on how to play the game of patriarchy, and call that being endlessly in love. wamp wamp.
i’ve been copiously taking mental notes and figured that it’s about time i write down my own opinions. stay tuned….