Where do i go from here?

I went to Los Angeles over the weekend and was shocked at how my usually talkative self went mute. It’s not unusual that I spend time in my head, but these past few days, I’ve been camping out.

I was wondering a lot about infrastructure….yes, big word. I know.
I want a house (a big one), a car ( a shiny one, with no dents), a husband (a cute one) and a coupla children (good ones). I just found out that all of these things won’t magically appear, so I’ve been looking for a meaningful job(s).

I do the whole rapper as poet and back to rapper thing and am planning on making money from it. In the meantime, I teach. Nowhere in my equation do I plan on being broke. Nope.

So while in Los Angeles, I thought plenty about my art, my teaching, and the rich people with their cute purses. How far am I removed from these Lamborghini driving, small dog toting, botox loving people? I am striving to attain what they have. I think.

And when I get it, who’s to say that I’ll be happier? I’m pretty sure the extra zeros in my account will make the rent/mortgage easier to pay, therefore reducing the level of stress that comes along with scraping up pennies to keep PG&E on.

So I’ve got the house (a big one), a husband (a cute one), children (good ones) and a car (shiny without the dents), but I’ve also got a horrible system of education that leaves my good children behind, forcing them to play catch up, or become frustrated with their own intellectual recession causing them to act out. I’ve got a health plan that doesn’t cover the concerns of my husband, leading him to believe that if he doesn’t follow the rules, his life may be cut in half and his cuteness just a memory.

I’ve got people from West Oakland to West Africa living in less than desirable conditions due to poor economics, making the spaces in my huge house selfish lots for play. I’ve got a deteriorating planet because my shiny car with no dents emits too much carbon monoxide.

I’ve got the zeros and ironically nothing around me has changed. The system is still standing and my lifestyle serves as a pillar.

How can I exist, in happiness?


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