My Portfolio of Greatness

<begin rant>

So….I was about to engage in a debate  last night with this guy, just for the sake of proving I was right about being who I am, and realized ‘Talia, why are you even wasting your text messages on this fool? Furthermore…why are you having a debate via text? That’s kind of lame.

Truth is…well for me at least, men can be hard to resist, especially when hungry for some attention. But what I somehow manage to forget is that attention comes and goes…and the good thing about it, is that it comes in multiple forms (like…a hug from mom…not the same as being pressed into a man’s well-crafted pec…but whatever).

I’m not going to say I don’t need a man. I’ll just think it and say something else…until I find a more loving way to express myself…


Nonetheless,  I am about to be mid-twentyish, am nowhere near where I thought I would be in life, and so far my interactions with men have done more harm than good.  I sometimes really don’t know what to do but write and pray.

I would like a strong, semi-fluffy little something to hold onto at times; someone who wants more than just my body;  who will let me cry on their shoulder, snot and all. Someone who will buy me sunflowers in the middle of the day because he cared about my cramps. Some may say this is wishful thinking. And it is, if I start off on the lazy foot and let some guy named Eddie-Bo trample all on over  my self respect or lack thereof.

So….I say this to ask…at what point do we I begin to expect honorable treatment from men (of which my homegirls give to me without a pause)?

<end of rant>


2 thoughts on “My Portfolio of Greatness

  1. admirable traits in a person do surface and for them, maybe you show a few cards. for the sake of the metaphor, there has to be a value to the entirety of cards in your hand. if thats the case, you need to witness the desired characteristics that you value in a loved one in order to reveal your full hand. if you do it like that, you can never be mad at the one you are relating with. theyre being themselves, as honest and base as they may be. if all the cards are shown before the traits you respect are displayed, the only recourse is to accept what you got yourself into or re-evaluate why and how you allowed yourself to overlook those key things. Having the characteristics your sisters have cant be transplanted into another individual, but your ‘screening’ process could involve a little more inquiry.As for those men that are sensitive like your fellow Queens, what if that was accompanied by a lack of passion. Would the trade off be fair? Not that thats the case, but it is to say that there is a delicate balance btwn mind body and soul attraction. sometime the ones with more body attraction need to be guided to a more refined way of expressing themselves. likewise one who is always communicating about it may need someone more grounded in their physical body instincts so that they can give form to their feelings. most important tho is to have your awareness clear enough to conceive of what that being is so you recognize them. and as a man, i’d have to add, what deems a woman worthy of such high esteem?surely its not her body. i’ll only really know experientialy.

  2. this post and the previous comment are insightful and real. i appreciate that.
    as an evolutionary black man who is currently very much in love, i believe that the kind of love and comfort that you re seeking is exactly what you should find in a true mate relationship.
    as men in this backward-assed society too often we forget that the strength that our hardworking colored women seek in us is not about telling them whats up or showing them we re the shit. most often our women are the shit, handling hella bizness in their own right, and they just need a man to listen to them, massage their aching muscles, hold them – just to be present with them.
    for a man who is willing to give and accept and support, a good woman reciprocates in ways that can t be measured..

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