“how do i know who she is when many would gladly be loved”-My Dear Myspace Friend
Last night, I stayed up ’til about one in the morning talking to a homegirl about standards, commitment, ms. badu and her babies’ daddies, did I say standards?
Within the last week, I have been forced to take a look at myself and microscopically examine the choices I’ve made. Many of them not to my benefit, few of them progressive. This has awakened a desire within me to abstain from many of my common interactions with men (i.e. sending mundane texts, slurred kisses, late night “visits”)because truthfully, a lot of these actions stem from a dependence on external validation….well, at least it’s been that way for me.
I say this to ask: is it true so many people would gladly be loved? Or do they want to be gladly validated?
And where is the line between validation and love to be drawn, because with validation, comes a feeling of acceptance and to love is to accept…
What I am exercising in my personal life, is an abstinence from those who I’ve found myself addicted to in many ways….mostly in their validation of me….
and honestly, although it’s only been a few days since I’ve refused to text, e-mail or call many of my male sugar babies, I feel a lot better. As the days progress, I find it difficult to remember what it is was that they were giving me in the first place.
When that one person comes into my life for me to love, I’m confident that I’ll know because he will be a manifestation of all that I declared. (Hence the importance of having a list of required qualities..because the looks of a man can and will dismember our logic). Now, as my declaration changes, so will the appearance of this person and my attraction to it. This, my friend, is the challenge; knowing that our attractions will change according to our wants and taking responsibility for our declarations. Therefore we must consciously choose what it is that we want. Pry into ourselves and ask why?
‘T, why do I want someone six foot something? Why do I want to be with someone who doesn’t have plans on riding the bus for the rest of his life? Why do I want someone to bring me soup in the middle of the night when I’m not feeling well?’
Are the answers merely blanketing our insecurities, or are they really reflections of the standards we have for ourselves?
When that someone looks familiar, but is not the one, as my girl says, give thanks for the shipment, but go on ‘head and return it.
Many folks want to be loved, but are they willing to love us back without wanting anything in return? Do they have our best interests at heart?
The most important question is, do we have our best interests at heart? When the answer becomes yes, we are bound to attract those who are nothing less than a beautiful mirror.